MYSTIC MUTT HOROSCOPES
We are introducing a new fun section to the website. Come and read your pets horoscope and we are hoping to add more lighthearted stories in time.
Hairies with Escapades rising (20 March – 20 April)
AN ADVENTURER OR JUST PLAIN RECKLESS?
If your pooch is born under the sign of Hairies they are the most fearless, “go getting sign” in the zodiac and like the Starship Enterprise, will boldly go where no pooch has been before! In fact..........should man decide that they want to land on Saturn, be assured your pooch will be first in the queue for the virgin flight, doggy bag packed and ready for their great adventure!
Your pooch is not only adventurous and will throw caution to the wind at every turn, they are also extremely energetic – no lying around like a lap dog for this pooch. Don’t be surprised if you get up in the morning and your baby has already done 40 laps around the garden and is on their 98th press up! And.........still wants a 2 mile walk round the local park!
One of Hairies most endearing traits is their generous and helpful nature, nothing pleases them more than putting a smile on their people’s faces. So far, it appears that your Hairies pooch is the most angelic you could wish for. However.........they can have quite a temper which usually fizzles out quickly but be warned – all the treats and cuddles in the world to try to calm your pooch will backfire on you – they need their own space to calm down and be at one with the world again.
Whilst your Hairies pooch is courageous and will hurl head on into their new enterprise or endeavour.....they rarely think things through so can be reckless if you don’t keep a tight rein (or lead!) on them to stop them rushing headlong into danger!
Peskes with snuggles rising (20 February – 19 March)
AN EMPATH OR NEUROTIC?
If your pooch is born under the sign of Peskes, they are incredibly empathetic and will always be in tune with your emotions.
If you’re having a bad day, and need a sympathetic ear to listen to your whinging..........sorry, woes! or need a snuggle buddy so you can bury your face in their fur to hide your tears, no pooch is better than a Peskes at making you feel better.
However, do be aware that a Peskes is very adept at copying their person’s mood, so don’t be surprised, once your own crisis has passed – to find your baby mooching about with a hang dog expression, as if the world is about to end!
A Peskes pooch will also have a very creative flair as they have an inventive imagination which needs to be kept busy. Never, ever be surprised if you go to tidy the toy box at the end of the day and find the toys have been stacked into a sculpture to rival the Eiffel Tower!
As Peskes are the dreamer sign of the zodiac, they can lack common sense and can often be overly trusting and easily swayed. If they have siblings or even doggy (or feline!) play mates who are more assertive, your Peskes pooch will likely go along with the idea that peeing up your new, expensive curtains is a good idea!
If you are lucky enough to have a Peskes pooch to share your home and life with, they are renowned for their generosity and always putting your needs before their own.
It's so important to them that their person is happy - to sum them up - they really are “man’s best friend”.
Barkarius with visions rising (21 January – 19 February)
If your pooch is born under the sign of Barkarius, their most prominent trait is they are a visionary, and very idealistic. Not for them just accepting life the way it is, they will always want to encourage positive change.
Whether this is through ensuring equal rights for canines at YOUR favourite coffee shop (yes, they really do expect to have their own section of the menu!) or a worldwide campaign to ensure the size of Schmako’s is millimetre perfect and they are not being robbed of what they are due – this is the mindset of a Barkarius, to make the world a better place.
Barkarius are highly intelligent, thoughtful and analytical. If you were to introduce them to a snuffle mat for the first time – not for them jumping in with all four paws to find their tasty treats – they will sit back on their haunches, head cocked to one side and think through the best way to get their bounty in the shortest amount of time!
One of your Barkarius fur baby’s most endearing and hilarious qualities is their originality – they really are the trendsetter of the canine world and don’t give two wuffs what anyone else thinks! So.......if your pooch decides that walking backwards on their lead whilst out for walkies is the way to go, you really will have to humour them and put up with the embarrassment of incredulous stares!
As your pooch is a deep thinker, they can come across as being detached and slightly cold as they are a pragmatist rather than an emotional sign.
But don’t be fooled by this aloofness, deep in the heart of every Barkarius there is a special place tucked away for those they are closest to. They may not shower you with sloppy kisses all the time, but they love you with all their heart........especially as you put up with so many of their quirks!
Catricorn with horns Rising – (22 December to 20 January)
INDUSTRIOUS OR A WORKAHOLIC?
If your kitty is born under the sign of Catricorn they are renowned for being one of the most serious, diligent signs of the zodiac. They are so persistent when it comes to specific tasks, that they will never, ever give up!
Ever wondered why your kitty can spend up to 2 to 3 hours a day grooming themselves? Licking every inch of their coat meticulously, is a job to be taken seriously – no fleas or flies on this moggy!
Your Catricorn moggy is also extremely ambitious with lofty goals they're sure they can fulfil, as long as they continue to work hard and put in as much effort as possible. They take the responsibility of conquering the 6ft high scratching post that you bought them very seriously and will never quit until they’ve mastered how to climb its dizzying heights on their dainty paws and descend with grace.
Due to the perfectionist standards that a Catricorn sets themselves they can be moody, dissatisfied and spit feathers (no, not bird feathers!!!) if things don’t go their way! Learning to placate your kitty and sheath those fed up claws will be the one way to ensure a harmonious relationship.
As the goat is Catricorn’s rising planet, one of your moggy’s worst traits is stubbornness! Like Pawrus, their canine counterpart, if you’re rushing to keep a dinner reservation, to catch the latest film at the cinema or attend an important business meeting and you need kitty to COME IN!..........if their mind is stubbornly set on climbing the tree in the garden to check out the new squirrel resident...........you have dog’s chance (or kitty’s chance!) of getting them in on your terms!
Don’t be discouraged though, as once your Catricorn moggy has finished their endeavours for the day, there is no better companion to have snuggled into your neck, gently purring and dreaming about the next day’s exploits!
Sagitthairuffus with abandon rising (November 22 – December 21)
FIERCELY INDEPENDENT OR A LOOSE CANNON?!
If you are a dog born under the sign of Sagitthairuffus you have an independent streak like no other sign.
Independence and the freedom to pursue what they want when they want, is of the utmost importance to a Sagitthairuffus. This can make your pooch one of the hardest to train as “sit, down, stay & leave” will never come into their vocabulary if they have their minds set on something else!
Thinking of taking your pooch to obedience classes? This may be a recipe for disaster as Sagitthairuffus aren't afraid to blaze their own trails, even if that means going it alone and doing their own thing.
However, all is not lost in the training stakes, as Sagitthairuffus are natural problem solvers, give them a mind game puzzle and you will have one happy pooch for hours on end - as long as they haven't got their heart set on doing something else!
Your Sagitthairuffus pooch is also incredibly curious about.......everything! Or is that just plain nosey?! Don’t be surprised if you are flattened to the floor when coming home with bags of shopping, as your pooch will have to know exactly what is in the bags and if it’s anything yummy for them!
One of the loveliest traits that your Sagitthairuffus pooch is gifted with, is an abundance of compassion. Due to their intuitive nature, if you are down, broken hearted or just generally having a bad day, they will know and go to the ends of the earth to make you feel better – whether that’s giving you an abundance of snuggles or digging up the ropey bone that they buried in the garden 12 months ago as a “special” present for you. This lovely trait can sadly cause your Sagitthairuffus baby to suffer heartbreak as they assume their natural kindness is shared by everyone and they can be taken advantage of. Your pooch will share the last tasty morsel in their bowl with any furry siblings they may have and every toy in the box, but cannot understand if this is not reciprocated. But then, if your pooch has had their dainty paws trodden on by another dog, they are feisty enough to tell them off in no uncertain terms and definitely won’t make the same mistake again!
Scorpibeau with stingrays rising (Oct 23 – November 21)
YOUR “HEART” DOG OR A VENGEFUL VIXEN?!
If you are a dog born under the sign of Scorpibeau there is no sign more passionate and intense than you!
Once your Scorpibeau pooch is in love with something – whether this is you, the cute Poodle next door or the latest series of Supervet – nothing, and I mean NOTHING - will shake their blind devotion! Their trust is hard to earn, but once they do trust you, they dedicate themselves to you utterly.
There's no one better to have at your side during a time of trouble than a Scorpibeau. They will run into danger without a second thought to protect you whether you need protecting or not!
Whilst your Scorpibeau pooch will love you until the end of time, they feel everything intensely, including jealousy. Never, ever, even consider going to pat or stroke the cute Poodle next door without showering your pooch with attention FIRST!
No other sign holds a grudge like a Scorpibeau and you will pay for this misdemeanour for a very, very long time! Remember those beautiful Jimmy Choo’s you bought for a special occasion? Cross your Scorpibeau pooch and they now look more like Jimmy Chews!
Never underestimate what is going on behind those soft, beguiling eyes as life is a game of chess for Scorpibeaus and they will be constantly plotting and several steps ahead of you in all things! They never show their cards and their enigmatic nature is what makes them so beguiling. Thinking of only giving them half a treat instead of the full one they deserve? They will have had you sussed the minute you opened the packet!
Leadbra with butterflies rising (23 September – 22 October)
WELL BALANCED OR FLIGHTY?
If you are a dog born under the sign of Leadbra, you are the social butterfly of all of the signs. Leadbra’s thrive on companionship and are charming, extroverted and equally love being with people and other pooches. Wherever you take your Leadbra pooch, be assured that they will make new friends for life. They love to surround themselves with interesting people and other canine friends that can introduce them to and teach them new things (often things you'd wish they hadn't learned!)
Leadbra’s are renowned for their love of beauty (they usually think they are the most beautiful thing in the universe as they are extremely vain!) so don’t be surprised if you’re trying to take a selfie to send to friends and your pooch photo bombs you, and all your friends receive is a selfie of your gorgeous baby!
A Leadbra absolutely adores being pampered, so please factor in the ENORMOUS expense to your finances to keep them looking their best!
Your Leadbra pooch is all about being well balanced in all things – they love peace and fairness in everything they do. A disagreement with one of their doggy friends over the tastiest bone can upset them for days as they are a peacemaker and always want their world to be in harmony.
The love of balance in your pooch’s life can lead to them driving you insane at times as they are sooooooo indecisive! Coupled with their love of beauty and vanity – a quick saunter around the park in winter will take hours and hours of indecision on what jumper/coat to wear as they could never be seen out in public looking anything but perfect!
One of the downfalls of being owned by a Leadbra is that they are self-absorbed, so when things don't go perfectly right for them, they feel as though the world is ending (bit of a drama queen really!).
Entered them into the local fun dog show and they didn’t win in every category?!!! Be prepared for your pooch to take to their bed with a touch of the vapours, to lie there looking very sad and dejected and unloved and stamping their dainty paw in disgust that “it wasn’t fair”!
Furgo with sleuths rising (23 August – 22 September)
LOGICAL OR TOTALLY OVER ANALYTICAL?!
If you are a dog born under the sign of Furgo, there is absolutely nothing about you that is spontaneous, every single thing you do has to be thought through very, very carefully to decide if a) you want to do it and b) if it’s a good idea!.
Not for you the impromptu trip to the beach to dance along the shore and go crashing into the waves – your mind will be constantly questioning the “what if’s” – “what if the sea is cold on my paws?”, “what if I go under and find I can’t swim?”, “what if I get sand stuck in my fur and shake it all over Mum’s new rug?!” and on....and on....and on!
However.........all is not doom and gloom as once a Furgo has thought everything through in minute detail and decided something IS a good idea, there is no stopping them and they will throw themselves into it with total abandon! So.........if they think that burying their bone in your beautifully manicured garden is the way to go.....there will be no way to dissuade them from it! A dog is known as man’s best friend, and a Furgo pooch will be your most reliable, kind and patient companion. Tired after a hard day at work? Your Furgo pooch will instinctively know that a long walk is not on the cards YET, will bring you your slippers and cuddle up with you until you’re ready to take them for a stroll.
As your Furgo pooch loves to think everything through to the nth degree, their standards are very, very high and if you don’t live up to these exacting standards, you may find yourself becoming unstuck!
If breakfast is at 8.00 a.m. served in their favourite bone shaped dish, warmed to 16o and placed under their favourite chair, woe betide you if this isn’t done to perfection! Your Furgo pooch is also known for being extremely stubborn and not liking change, so a set routine is a must and if you try digressing from this you will soon realise that YOUR routine has to fit in with THEIRS! Once you and your Furgo pooch have established the pecking order, the key to a happy relationship is to make your uptight, overthinking pooch learn to relax and what better way than learning canine massage with loads of tummy tickles thrown in for good measure!
Fleao with Oscars rising (23 July - August 22)
A BORN SHOW OFF & A DRAMA QUEEN!
If you are a dog born under the sign of Fleao your human definitely will always play second fiddle in your home – YOU are the centre of attention, the one who runs the show and who dictates what you will do and when!
A Fleao pooch absolutely loves the limelight – any opportunity to show off and they are in heaven! Whether it be a fun dog show (although Fleao is soooooooooo competitive, they will take this VERY seriously!), being top of their training class or just generally showing off their talents in front of your friends and family – this is when Fleao’s are in their element.
But whilst a Fleao may come across as vain and narcissistic, they are loyal, fiercely protective of their nearest and dearest, generous, sunny, and big-hearted. Feeling down and depressed? You can always rely on your Fleao friend to help you see the bright side of any situation and feel fired up and ready to take on the world.
Please be warned though..........if your Fleao pooch is NOT getting the attention and adoration they feel they rightfully deserve, you could have major dramas and tantrums on your hands worthy of the greatest Oscar winner!
Don’t be surprised if the tastiest of canine treats go untouched or the contents of the toy box end up being tipped all over the garden!
The way to fix this?! Showering your Fleao with more and more and more adoration and love of course!
“Grrrancer” with Pincers rising (22nd June – 22nd July)
LOYAL (or is that clingy?!) & INTUITIVE
If you are a dog born under the sign of “Grrrancer” there is no sign more loyal! They would lay down their life for you, love you unconditionally but by God, they expect the same in return, scribed in blood!
If you’re the kind of dog parent who needs a bit of space and privacy i.e. you don’t want your pooch constantly sitting on your head, taking up all your bed or following you to the bathroom (!) do NOT consider a Grrrancer, there really is no escape!
As Grrrancer’s are linked to crabs, they will go to EXTREME lengths to protect their homes. Like visitors? Tough! Like having deliveries? Tough! Single and thinking of starting a relationship? Tough! This is where the name “Grrrancer” comes from – your Grrrancer pooch will make the BEST guard dog in the world as anyone who tries to come within 10 feet of you, will attest to!
Your Grrrancer pooch has an almost supernatural sense of intuition - they KNOW what you’re thinking. If you even contemplate taking them to the vets and leaving them there, they will know! Thinking of splitting that treat in half so they don’t get fat? DON’T! You’ve been sussed! Yes, they can be moody and can go from licking you and jumping all over you exuberantly one minute to sulking in a corner the next, but as the moon controls their moods – just get used to it, and ride out the storm!
Whilst Grrrancer’s can sound like a lot of hard work – the work you put into them will be returned 1,000 fold as they are so incredibly caring and protective and you will have your best friend for life.
“Mayhem”ini with Snouts rising (22 May – 21 June)
DOUBLE THE FUN OR PLAIN TWO FACED?!
If you are a dog born under the sign of “Mayhem”ini your human is either blessed to have double the fun and love from you (as you are born under the sign of the twins) or may often be perplexed – wondering if an alien has replaced their loving, sweet little pooch with “demon dog”!
Mayhemini’s are one of the smartest signs in the Zodiac with a mind that's constantly racing, even when they appear to be having an afternoon snooze! And it’s this intelligence that will get them into sooooooooo much trouble and mischief!
Whilst your pooch will be top of the class in sports like agility and doggy puzzle games, don’t be surprised if you come home and they have learned how to jump a baby gate or artfully opened the locked food cupboard!
And why is Snouts your ruling planet? “Mayhem”ini’s are the nosiest sign in the Zodiac! Whilst your baby may be your ultimate confidante they are renowned for being awful gossips! So don’t be surprised if you get some very strange looks from the other dogs when you go to pick your pooch up from doggy day care!
Despite their unfair rep for being two faced, once you have a “Mayhem”ini in your life, they’re loyal for life but woe betide you if you abuse that loyalty! Thinking of coming home smelling of other dogs? Don’t expect to be forgiven for a VERY long time!
Pawrus with Bonio’s rising (21 April – 21 May)
YOU ARE AS STUBBORN AS A MULE!
If you are a dog born under the sign of Pawrus, be under no illusion that YOU own your human, not the other way around! You can be told (or even asked nicely!) to do things....... repeatedly, but hey......if you’re not in the mood to do it, your human can go jump! Recall? Nope, too busy sniffing in the bushes, thank you!
But while you will always want things done YOUR way, a human who is owned by a Pawrus dog will never, ever find a more loyal friend.
Pawreans are renowned for loving the finer things in life, they are a real pleasure seeker – soft, fluffy beds, being serenaded to sleep by their human whilst being gently tickled and fed the tastiest of morsels!
But..........as Bonio is their ruling planet........all of these indulgences can result in a dog born under the sign of Pawrus having a constant battle with “love handles” and a revolving membership in “Weight Wuffers”!
A Pawrean pooch is definitely not for the feint hearted – they will drive you crazy with their independent, dogged (!) ways whilst subtly wrapping you firmly around their adorable fluffy paws but......once they love you, their heart is yours.........forever.